Happily Ever Laughter: The Role of Humor in Healthy Relationships
“Couples who laugh together last together.” Dr. John Gottman
Laughter can be crucial to the success of romance, playing an important role during the attraction, courtship and commitment phases of healthy relationships. Plus, tension-easing instances of humor can help couples form deep interpersonal bonds and overcome everyday obstacles like monotony, stress, tension and miscommunication.
Laugh it Forward
Fostering the ability to laugh at yourself and make light of awkward situations increases your chances of intimate fulfillment. The simple willingness to smile when talking and to genuinely laugh when something is funny makes you ten times more attractive to a potential partner — as does self-enhancing humor.
Say you’re on a date and a waiter accidentally spills pasta in your lap. You could run to the restroom in embarrassment, lambast the server and then go storming home unfed. Or, you could deflect the horror of the situation while revealing to your date that you are both compassionate and easygoing with a line like this “Wow (to the waiter), thank you! You just saved me the agony of puking in my own lap — which I almost always do just because I am socially awkward.”
This way, your sense of humor creates an instance you can both laugh about later on, plus, you’ll make the waiter’s day by not freaking out on them over an accident.
Relate through Humor
Whether or not you and a casual companion are going to be compatible depends on how well your personality styles meld together. A flexible willingness to relate is key here, whereas rigidity could spell doom for any long-term potential. A consistent sense of humor applied to everyday life can help align the two of you in a positive mutual outlook.
If you ask someone to spend time with you, and they immediately anticipate engaging in mutual amusement, you’re off to a good start. If the idea of hanging out with you turns them off, you might need to consider that you aren’t much fun to be around.
Using what’s known as affiliative humor, you can up your companionship appeal by relishing in everyday comedy: your fly is undone, their shirt is inside out, a texting pedestrian walks into a street sign, gusts of wind are upsetting hairdos a department store sign says “bras half off” and so on. Mutual appreciation of humor builds fellowship, develops communication and establishes an interpersonal connection.
Create a Healthy Relationship Together
Your ability to employ a healthy sense of humor can make your lover aware that you possess other important attributes. If your partner teases you for being a neatnik or an etiquette freak, you can expand on the notion with some self-enhancing humor. One night at the dinner table with a consenting partner, you can suddenly disrobe to reveal sexy, lacy, irresistible lingerie. Every time your partner makes a dining etiquette faux pas, they get a playful punishment from your Scandal Flogger or your playful whip.
This reassures your partner that your are not only self-aware — but fun and creative to boot. This is a fun way of keeping things fresh and vibrant by cultivating inside jokes from previously shared experiences.This “wink wink” world can and should expand to the bedroom — the place where awkwardness, intimacy and trust can be fully developed into a deeply shared sense of humor.
Laughter and sex have similar benefits. Engaging in either can elevate mood, relieve stress, reduce tension and deepen communication. Allowing yourselves to indulge in both when the intimate opportunities arise means increasing the inherent benefits.
Introduce Liquid Laughter
Uncorking a bottle of wine and pouring a glass for your partner is a universal way to commence with relaxation and conversation. A playful way to allude to sex is by introducing wines with inventive names meant to appeal to a sensual sense of humor. Imagine your lover’s look of intrigue when you present a bottle of Happy Bitch Sauvignon Blanc, 2013 Naked on Roller Skates Shiraz and Mataro or Vibe Wines 2015 Naughty Play Chardonnay.
Tend to Their Kneads
Rubbing your partner’s shoulders when they return from work is a tried and true stress reliever. As they relish in your touch, ask them about their day — keeping alert for opportunities at humor. They might say “Geez my boss is a hard ass.” You could retort with “That’s too bad. I hear that leads to being a lard ass.” Or, they might sigh “My commute to work is a nightmare.” To which you could offer “Mine too — it’s driving me nuts.” Such light-hearted jabs combined with your caring rubs can be a double dose of relief as they let go of some pent-up tension with a hearty gut laugh. Who knows, things may quickly progress to accessory-enhanced sensual touch, a full-body rubdown or an erotic massage.
Slip and Slide
Sensual massage and intimate touch are often accompanied by the use of scented oils, and personal lubricants. A little goes a long way, but after slathering your partner in moisturizer, and rubbing them into a zen-like trance of passionate bliss, the heat of the moment can eclipse the idea of toweling off before making love. This instance can often result in an accidental slapstick moment when the partner on top begins to slip to one side due to abundant lubrication. If this is you, in an instantaneous moment of tomfoolery you can grab your partner as you topple over the side of the bed — taking them with you. In a healthy relationship this scenario always results in profound laughter. What the heck, you can just as easily make love on the floor as you can on the bed, right?
Suggest with Subtlety
The mind is a powerful erogenous zone. Appealing to your partner’s intellect with humorous, sexy suggestions can expand the private language between the two of you while initiating foreplay. Leaving evocative love notes for one another can stoke the embers of desire, keep communication flowing and provide a healthy chuckle when least expected. You can surprise your partner with witty double entendres like these:
- “You’re going to need to let me give you the lowdown on oral.”
- “I know bringing you to orgasm with just my hands is a touchy subject, but will you at least let me try?”
- “If we get even 10 minutes alone with each other, we’re both screwed.”
- “The main thrust of what I know is that intercourse is best when there are two participants.”
- “I know you like to create the ambiance, but the next time we make love can we play organ music?”
- “When fishing for orgasms, you don’t always have to sink your hooks into master bait.”
- “If you insist on getting frisky later, I am going to assume a position of consensus.”
- “I’ll be cunning if you’ll be a linguist.”
You can send these as texts as well, but there’s something extra intimate about a handwritten note placed in a conspicuous place. This approach also work with humorous shared experiences:
- “Hope you don’t end up with your dinner in your lap.”
- “If you’re buying clothes today I hope they’re half off.”
- “Don’t let the commute home drive you nuts.”
VibeWines.com is an online resource for couples interested in healthy relationships enabled by a shared sensibility. A consenting sense of humor enhanced by sexy wines, adult toys and intimate accessories can help you live and love happily ever laughter.