Sexless Marriage: Common Causes, Sexy Solutions
“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” — Hunter S. Thompson
In an age when committed relationships are threatened by diminishing intimacy, people are exploring ideas on how to take the “less” out of a sexless marriage. Rather than cut and run when sex and marriage become difficult, many are choosing to dig in deep, to hold their ground and discover exciting ways of revitalizing the most important relationship of their lives. Interpersonal dynamics such as inadequate communication, lack of physical touch, digital distractions and repetitive routines are common causes of sexual infrequency in marriage.
This common situation occurs when a minor rift between spouses widens into a canyon and then deepens into a chasm. The mystery lies not in the fact that there has been a breach, but what can be done about it before it is too late. Addressing a sexless marriage means accepting the fact that these “gaps” that happen between partners do not open up overnight, and reconnecting requires time and effort. The good news is that there are ways and means of revitalizing marital intimacy that are uplifting, cathartic and downright delightful.
Talk to One Another
Aside from finances, health issues and kids, some of the toughest marital conversations can be about intimacy. These discussions are especially difficult when the two of you do not regularly engage in open conversations about sex and marriage. Unavoidable concerns such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and emotional issues tend to worsen when swept under the rug. Rather than admit there is a problem, a man who is struggling with ED can choose to avoid sex completely so he will not be embarrassed. Similarly, a partner who is coming to terms with past abuse or an ugly previous relationship can avoid intimacy because it stirs up negative associations. These are serious issues that must eventually be faced if the marriage is to flourish. While confronting such problems is difficult, it represents one of the fundamental functions of marriage. Partners help each other tackle tough personal issues, and offer one another support in times when personal strength may not be enough to realize itself. Honestly revealing your hangups to your partner takes courage, but ultimately serves to deepen trust. Here, compassion, acceptance and the willingness to work through obstacles can bring a couple even closer together, rekindling intimacy and strengthening the marriage.
Shut Up and Kiss
The simple act of embracing your partner and expressing your affection for them with a kiss is an excellent way to cut through all of the interference and reconnect. The pleasing sensations of lips upon one another releases oxytocin from the brain’s hypothalamus gland, triggering the subsequent release of dopamine — the “feel good endorphin” and phenylethylamine — an alkaloid prevalent in chocolate. You can sincerely express the fundamental need for touch and closeness by setting aside petty issues and giving in to the urge to make out.
If you are having problems achieving and keeping an erection that is firm enough for sex, it is an indication that deeper issues might be at work. Stress, diet, mental health and physical conditions affect your sexual arousal, which can contribute to a sexless marriage. Perhaps the biggest issue here is a mental block. If you had a bad night and lost your erection prematurely due to stress or emotional issues, the psychological trauma of such an event can cause a cycle wherein you continually shut down from self doubt. If this is the case, you may need to admit it’s time for a little assistance. To get yourself in the right frame of mind, consider perusing images of pinup girls, burlesque performers or alternative models alongside your partner. Once your mood warms up, you can choose from an exciting variety of stimulating stroker sleeves designed for arousal and fulfillment, as well as topical treatments formulated to enhance sensations and improve performance. Employing performance rings can also improve stamina while increasing pleasure and orgasmic intensity.
Help Your Partner Understand
Self love is paramount to happiness, and reawakening your erogenous zones with friendly vibrations can eclipse apprehension and inspire desire. Inviting your partner to participate in your arousal and explore your sensitivities can open the door to discussing the intricacies of your sexuality. Imagine multiple orgasms achieved via specifically designed accessories that allow you to fully comprehend exactly what you like and where you like it so that you can gently instruct your partner towards participating in your fulfillment.
Minimize Digital Distractions
Digital rabbit holes are pervasive, and can constantly open and divert your attention away from more important pursuits. Such distractions can start as harmless curiosities and grow into vacuous black holes. Video games, pornography and social media are the main culprits here. You can inadvertently squander many hours a week on one, two or all three while your relationship suffers. This is precious time outside of work and sleep that could be spent more constructively. Although you may enjoy your digital distractions, salvaging a sexless marriage may require sacrifice by making yourself more available for one-on-one time with your partner. Rather than screen time spent alone, think about what might happen if the two of you explored the pages of 201 Sex Games or employed some of the ideas in 269 Sex Tricks and Tips for Him.
Break Mundane Patterns
Rather than each of you delving into your daily retreats of screen-staring stupor, you can make plans to pursue mutually appealing forms of entertainment. While video games and social media may not inspire constructive engagement, media involving explicit adult content can. Instead of adult videos, however, consider the interactive nature of erotica and adult games. Imagine a candlelit evening, begun by uncorking a seductively-named bottle of wine. After setting the mood with a few sips of liquid velvet, you can take turns reading excerpts of explicit adult scenarios and allowing the imagery to inspire your intimacy. Adult games such as Sex Marks the Spot, Let’s Fool Around! and Fifty Days of Play Game can be equally suggestive while providing the all-important dimension of private, interactive fun created solely by, and for, you and your partner.
Explore New Ideas Together
Once you two have rediscovered your passion for one another, you can explore deeper physical fulfillment. Imagine embarking on a journey of trust and joy with the opening of a bottle of sexy wine and the enjoyment of adult accessories. A fulfilling life of sex and marriage can be a reality, and as you communicate clearly, kiss with passion, shut out distractions and take deliberate action to reconnect, a sexless marriage is no more.
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