The Female Orgasm: Dynamics of Assisting Her to Climax
Intimacy Issues Volume One: Chapter Four
The Female Orgasm: Dynamics of Assisting Her to Climax
The female orgasm is generally considered by those who experience it to be the pinnacle of ecstasy, an all encapsulating zenith that immerses her in pleasure so profound — it borders on something out of this world. Although this realm is readily available to most women, gaining access can be somewhat of a mystery. Unlike men, women experience pleasure in a much more complicated matrix of pacing, aesthetics and multiplicity — meaning it is a gradual journey unfit for the back seat of a car, yet upon arrival the greeting party can come around again and again. Put in even simpler terms — you have to be patient, attentive and considerate but once you assist her in climaxing, you can get her back there with enduring frequency.
If you are reading this, you are no doubt a generous partner aspiring to usher your lover to the steps of Valhalla, and then coax open the doors so she can bask in the glow that emanates from within. Understanding the female orgasm is a time-tested affair and there are specific guideposts outlining the path to each individual’s experience. Escorting your partner to the palace of the pleased libido requires that relaxation, foreplay, multiple points of pleasure and accessory-assisted technique are all considered with equal amounts of patience and concern.
Relaxation: An Essential State
Studies published by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the Cleveland Clinic and the Kinsey Institute show that relaxation is the number one determining factor in a woman’s ability to reach orgasm. A woman who is in a long-term relationship with you may already be at ease through familiarity, but this doesn’t mean you get to be lazy. Furthermore, if this is a newer relationship between consenting partners, it is important that you have already established a level of trust that is conducive to being intimately adventurous. Setting the mood for a special evening is an integral part of orchestrating the entire experience. The more of her senses you engage, the more she can become immersed in the allure of intimacy while allowing the nagging worries of the day to fall away. Set the aromatic tone with the warmth of scented candles, entice her palate with a glass of velvety wine and create a sexy vibe with some sultry background music. Men tend to be wired to pursue orgasm like a spark racing down a fuse towards the dynamite. Contrarily, the female orgasm is more like a ripple effect, wherein many small flutters of delight culminate into one explosive wave of pleasure. So, don’t get in a hurry — because the final tidal ride is worth the wait.
Play it Forward
Once the candles are lit and the mood is set, it is key to keep things moving. If you did your homework, then you’ll know which of her physical preferences to engage once the kissing and petting leads to the soft whump of discarded clothing hitting the floor. If sensual massage is her favorite indulgence, be prepared with massage oil and perhaps a vibrating massage wand — which will also come in handy later. A woman who enjoys nipple play will find exquisite delight in applying some female accessories designed to heighten pleasure in this particular erogenous zone. If soft bondage turns her on, you can accommodate her with some playful restraints and a silky blindfold while you trace the contours of her body with the enticing tendrils of a leather flogger. Imagine that this is a duet, the music is gradually building, but the crescendo is a bit further in the distance. There is no hurry to get there, however, as each movement of melody builds on the last to meet the next. Also, revealing oneself in front of another can cause anxiety for some, which can be a threat to her state of relaxation. Offer reassurance by gently complimenting her beauty as the layers peel away.
Strategy of the Informed
The number one authority on what turns her on and feels wonderful is in fact, her. In order for you to know these things, all you have to do is inquire. If you don’t ask, however, you may end up floundering around all night and she may end up wondering if she should have simply told you what she likes instead of waiting for you to guess. Giving her permission to be sexually explicit by asking her to verbalize her preferences is as liberating as it is titillating. Sometimes a partner needs that initial nudge in order to open up — plus, this is a form of healthy communication that can only enhance a relationship. It is a good bet that she appreciates clitoral caressing, g-spot stimulation and penetration, yet the optimal intensities and frequencies need to be determined through her intimate indications. Body language is the most effective form of this, and it is your job to be keenly aware of what is just OK and what feels incredible based on her physical responses.
The mouth is as adept at communicating verbally as it is physically, and the sensation of your tongue caressing her clitoris says that you are dedicated to her experiencing an orgasm. Remember that this is a journey not a sprint, so approach the hot zone gradually. Kiss her breasts, her abdomen, her hip ridges and her inner thighs before slowly running your tongue up and down her labia on both sides, and then approaching the clitoris in diminishing circles until you make contact. This approach builds anticipation and desire and by the time you are fully engaged in cunnilingus she may be well on her way to the next level of pleasure. Direct clitoral contact may be too intense, so listen for sounds of approval and watch for body language that says otherwise. Now, find which types of tongue strokes she really loves from a particular direction given with a specific intensity and repeat the motion — a lot. Again, if you’re not sure, ask her what feels good and what she likes about what you are doing.
The oral sex scenario brings to mind the commonly used term “hey, while you’re down there …” While that is a silly joke usually blurted out among friends, it rings particularly true in the case of the giving partner dedicated to getting a female lover over the rainbow. Yes, your tongue is busy but you still have two hands. Simultaneously rubbing her G-spot with a finger or two while licking her clitoris and twisting a nipple with the other hand, while seemingly acrobatic, is actually fun and a huge turn on (yes, for you as well). Locate her G-spot by gently inserting a finger into what should by now be her well-lubricated vagina. (Having some lubricant on hand is always a good idea.) This pleasure pad sits approximately two to three inches inside the vaginal canal on the anterior (upper) wall and is distinguished by a prominent sponge-like texture. Caress this spot beginning with gentle motions similar to the “come here” gesture. One or two fingers should suffice for surface area, and you can increase the rhythm and pressure based on her sounds and physical responses.
Adult Accessories: Specific Designs for the Female Orgasm
While the organic appeal of your hands and tongue on her intimate areas is all fine and good, there is no rule that says you are not allowed to enlist a little help. Some women can achieve orgasm solely through stimulation of the clitoris while others can do so with penetration focused on the G-spot. Meanwhile, many women require that both areas receive simultaneous attention. Regardless of your partner’s needs, adult accessories designed for female pleasure are created to make this journey joyful and fun rather than some sort of a cramp-inducing chore. Through experimentation and communication, you and your partner can determine the right circumstances and types of pleasure that are conducive to her orgasm. Multiple speed clitoral vibrators and vibrating accessories designed for penetration can accompany your manual efforts to please, and there are even adult toys for her designed to stimulate both the clitoris and the G-spot at the same time. This can free you to caress and kiss her other sensitive areas as her ecstasy level elevates through the roof.
Of course, the time will most likely arrive when penetration is imminent, preferably after she has reached her initial orgasm. That’s right — unlike men, women can typically have multiple orgasms in the same session without much recuperation time at all. As a male partner, you can enhance penetration for both of you while affording yourself extra endurance by using a vibrating couple’s ring. These ergonomically designed adult accessories feature a vibrating bullet encased in soft silicone that stimulates her clitoris while your penis makes consistent contact with the G-spot. This can make her already revving engine shift back into overdrive for yet another trip to the mountain top. Reverse penetration can be enhanced by direct stimulation of the clitoris using a vibrating accessory applied by either you or her.
Secrets of the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique)
Couples who enjoy missionary-style sex can, with a few adjustments, utilize the physical dynamics of the position to achieve the female orgasm. Rather than focus on rapid thrusting, the male partner must switch gears into an altered technique. The essential elements here are pace and contact, meaning that you keep a pace that is slow and steady and you focus on maintaining constant contact of your pubic bone (at the base of your penis) with her clitoris. You then stimulate her with a forward and backward rocking motion which gives the ultra sensitive clitoris constant attention. This altered approach may diminish the amount of penetration craved as a guy, but the payoff is that while your pubic bone is rubbing her clitoris and working her towards climax, your penis is simultaneously stimulating her G-spot that is located on the anterior vaginal wall just two to three inches inside. She’ll need to spread her legs just enough to give you access but to hug your outer thighs with her inner thighs to create the snug coitus that makes orgasm in this position possible. Once you have gotten her over the moon, shoot for it again or switch to a new position that may feel better for you but remember, ladies first!
With a little foresight, you can conduct an unforgettable orgasmic experience for your female partner by equipping yourself with scented candles, a bottle of sexy wine, some lubricant for massage and penetration and a vibrating adult accessory or two. Combinations like this are the specialty of Vibe Wines, and are affectionately referred to as a Sexy Pairings™. You can select from a wide variety of items to tailor a gift set that is perfect for you and your lover, or you can choose from a menu of pre-arranged Sexy Pairings™ themed for specific occasions and personality types.
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